Hello America! As you know, I'm a washed up children's programming actor went drug addict known as Pee Wee Herman! Most of you remember me as a loud and offensive character who lacks rational convention in communication and other vital social skills, is constantly confused about sexual orientation, has creepy fictional friends, talks to his furniture, and keeps an ethnically diverse man's head in a little box in his living room. Though I was arrested for exposing "myself" this identity is not the true face of Paul Reubens... I am actually a top Special Ops agent for a secret government group designed to protect our country from sick bastards like my television persona. I'm highly trained and have skills in tactful maneuvers, advanced combat, professional driving, and scrap-booking. If you are interested in the real me, brase yourself. This begins the long and arduous journey of getting to know The Real Paul Reubens.
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