Origins: A Sick Man's Journey

First things first. I never knew my father and my mother was a penguin. When I was born I was taken home where my mother sat on me for weeks. I learned proper social mannerisms and people skills from my furry little family. They taught me the meaning of comedy and wholesome family values. When I was six our colony was attacked by angry sealions. My family was killed, I was taken in by the sealions, and a dark spawn of nature's invention began to grow in me. It was in the sea that I learned to hide my true self and maintain distance from the outside world. I was transformed in the sea. When I emerged from the waters of the coast of california, I knew I had to do. In order to achieve mass domination of the planet with the rest of the sealions, I would have to establish a powerful public identity, earn the world's trust, and dismantle the system from the inside. Soon, I will have all the publicity I need to form a collective of followers! The time for the sealions is at hand!